More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
