You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
