i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
