He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
