u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Let's paint friendship bongs
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
