You smell like stripper and shame
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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