Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
