I only kidnapped one of them. chill
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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