Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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