Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
