look no pants
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
