Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
