i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
