my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
