i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
