take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
