Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
