are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
