he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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