I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
