He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
