Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
