It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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