i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
this beer tastes like vomit already
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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