Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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