They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
