Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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