Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
