sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
