Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
