GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
