if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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