If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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