It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
