And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
