Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
