I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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