OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
