haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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