ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
