We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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