Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i now understand why vodka
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
