You don't have asthma, your pregnant
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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