Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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