I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
