I swear she didn't look like that last week.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
