Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
