Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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