I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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