i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
