I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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