Ambien. No doubt about it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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