I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
